My new askesis promises to be more disciplined and more purposeful.  When I wrote of my “before” paper, I merely listed various things I do.  While I would say that each of them is done for a purpose, the list I compiled was somewhat random and meandering.  This paper, the “after” askesis, has the benefit of three months of study, reflection, and thought.  The following disciplines and practices represent my commitment to a God-ward life.

            Ingesting Scripture.  The Bible is vital to any growing Christian.  I intend to take it into my mind and heart in several ways.  First, I will study the Bible.  In the past, formal Bible study seemed lifeless and draining.  This semester, through a variety of events, most notably my involvement in teaching ministry, the study of the Bible has come alive.  Digging into a text yields not only knowledge, and some discipline, but also as I consider the meaning it is applied to my life and heart as well.  This is teaching from the excess.  God teaches me first and then I am able to teach others. 

Second, I will continue to read large swaths of the Bible with a spiritual posture.  This is the opposite of Bible study where small things make big differences.  Instead, I read to be spoken to, to hear God’s story and to take it in.  Thirdly, I will memorize larger sections of the Bible.  Over the summer I plan to continue work on memorizing (and studying) Romans 8 which has become a mantra of sorts for me.  This represents a departure for me.  I used to be quite hostile to the idea of memorization but I now realize that holding Scripture in my mind and heart is often used by God.  It helps me to change my thoughts as Dallas Willard recommends.  When I am tempted to think about sinful things, I recall the passage I am memorizing and my heart is redirected.  Jesus seemed to do this as he responded with Scripture to Satan’s temptations.  He quoted the passage he apparently was meditating on.  If it is good enough for Jesus, it is good enough for me.

Prayer.  What I have learned about prayer in this course is that it is varied and diverse.  I had still considered prayer basically asking God for things or talking at him with some listening involved.  Now I understand God interacts with us.  Prayer is a conversation that sometimes involves listening and sometimes talking and sometimes following a script.  One practice I intend to follow through the rest of the year is the praying of the psalms.  This practice sticks out to me as one that will be beneficial and helpful.  The psalms help us learn to express our hearts to God and give voice to things we otherwise cannot find the words for.

Also under the category of prayer, I include the practice of silence and solitude.  My wife and I have agreed that we each need to spend two or three days on retreat twice a year.  My turn is next and I will go to Sacred Heart for a weekend in the early weeks of summer.  The disciplines of silence and solitude are strongly contrasted with daily life, especially a life with small children.  Demands are constantly flooding in.  Getting away to a place where even my cell phone will not ring is a helpful respite.  It also helps me to remember to listen to God.  All the other voices cease and I am able to be still.  This is a discipline that I hope to practice for the rest of my life no matter where God leads.

Fasting.  I did my main research paper on the discipline of fasting.  Once again, this is a discipline I would have otherwise been wary of and avoided.  But practice of fasting taught me a lot about myself and God.  I have entertained the idea of fasting at least one day before I teach or preach though I have not yet committed to it.  What I found fasting valuable for was engaging my body and heart and mind all at once.  Instead of being a purely cerebral or spiritual activity like so many other disciplines are, fasting brings out my weakness when it comes to my body.  I also wrote in the paper that fasting helps me to practice the redirection of thought away from food to spiritual things.  In temptation the same redirection is necessary.  I found this valuable and will continue to practice it.  Fasting helps me to want God more than to want to please my body.

Community.  Practicing being in community has not always been easy for me.  In fact, I could say I really do not like it.  It is wonderful when people are interested in me and what I am doing but I do not really want to have to pretend to be interested in them.  Entering community as a discipline, though, changes that.  I have to give myself up in order to be genuinely concerned for the wellbeing of others.  I also have to be genuinely open and honest about myself which is scary.  Now that my TM sequence is completed, I see the value of community and will look for people to know and to be known by.  It may be with an individual or two or it may be with a small group but it must be.

Community also includes corporate worship.  Singing praise to God, hearing testimonies, seeing baptisms, being united in Communion are all important connections to the Body of Christ.  In them, I submit to God together with those around me.  Worship services offer the opportunity to get the Word in different ways.  Singing moves things to the heart much more quickly than only hearing them.

Most of all, I will try to orient my heart around the things of God.  All of these disciplines are simply ways of helping me to do that.  They are reminders of God’s grace in my life and the commitment I made to follow him.  They help me to keep my eyes on the prize, to obtain my part in the Kingdom while longing for more and more of it.  I will not perfectly practice any of them, but I will press on toward the goal of Christ-likeness.

Those of you who I have spoken with in the last week or so have heard me say some pretty amazing things.  God is really working on both Jodi and I and we are thriving spiritually, in our marriage, in worship, etc.  I have called it perhaps the happiest time of our marriage.  That might seem like an exaggeration.  Certainly it's not something anyone should expect in the midst of all the challenges we have.  But it is where we are.

As I've talked with you, I wonder how you perceive what could sound like platitudes or niceties.  I used to really hate them until this period of my life.  They were really incomprehensible to me.  To say something like "the joy of the Lord is my strength" just made no sense.  But now I find a song like "Trading My Sorrows" constantly on my lips.  It makes sense because God is our strength.  Jodi and I are living surrendered lives right now.  It sounds so fluffy and could be said so easily.  Yet, I don't say them lightly.

There is a sense, too, that to say something like I just wrote must have a tinge of pride to it.  Yet, there is no pride.  We both know-and you know-that this journey has been so much more about what God is doing in our lives than what we're doing.  He has conquered the fire-breathing dragon that was my fear.  He is working the rock of trying to control from Jodi's shoe.  He is the ONE!  To Him be all the glory, all the praise, all the honor.  I couldn't write a more sincere sentence that gets so abused when it is turned into a platitude.

I’ve had it with Senator McCain. Today he’s out there saying that all the conservatives opposing him should “Just calm down.” Calm down? Calm down? That’s like asking a dog to calm down right before gets neutered. I don’t think so.

McCain also says we should “see if there are any areas that we can agree on for the good of the party and the good of the country.” On what issues does he think we can agree? Immigration? No, he sponsored a bill with Ted Kennedy (Kennedy!!!) that offered amnesty to illegal immigrants. The base, including me, does not agree that amnesty–no matter what you call it–is best for the country.

What about the urgent need for conservative judges? Strike two. McCain not only joined but led the Gang of 14 in opposing his own party leaders betraying some very fine judges in the process. What about the Gang of 14 suggests we should trust McCain to appoint conservative justices to the Supreme Court? McCain’s incessant desire to “reach across the aisle” will lead him to appoint judges that are acceptable to the left. And that is simply unacceptable to the right.

Maybe we can agree on economic issues. The conservative position on the economy is that tax cuts are good for everyone. What was Senator McCain’s position on the Bush tax cuts? Once again, McCain stood opposed to a very basic tenet of conservatism. No agreement there.

That’s three strikes against Senator McCain. Unfortunately for his candidacy, they keep coming. He’s voted against the marriage amendment. He’s sponsored legislation that restricts freedom of speech during campaigns. The chances for agreement are dwindling.

In fact, the only issue, as far as I can tell, that Senator McCain and I hold in common is his support of the war. Even on this issue McCain’s record is blemished. He called for Rumsfeld’s head not once but many times. McCain has opposed the president publicly over and over. How is that good for the party? That’s just not an issue we can agree on.

Well, it seems we have run out of issues. On nearly every issue near and dear to this conservative’s heart, Senator McCain has continually and deliberately split from the party line. That is why, should he receive the nomination, I will not vote for him. I understand completely the consequences of this course of action. Some conservatives will bite the bullet and pull his lever. But there are no good reasons to think he can be trusted to carry the conservative mantle. I for one, don’t trust Senator McCain as far as I could throw him. That is not good for him and it is not good for our party.

Last week we took the kiddos ice skating.  Jodi and I had a ton of fun but the kids weren't so sure.  It took them quite awhile to get used to skates.  By the time they did it was time to go.

  And I fell on my behind a couple of times...

Three days into my media fast, I am ready to make some initial observations.  First, old habits are hard to break.  I've written about this already.  So far the hardest part is when I get in the car and reach for the radio to turn it on only to remember that I'm not doing that right now.  Coming home from work is the worst time.  I love to listen to Hugh Hewitt especially on nights like last night with the Michigan primary.  I'm sure he was ecstatic because of Romney's win.  It was likely great radio but it entered my head only as radio waves passing through rather than sound waves heard and understood.

Television is my other great battle.  Over the weekend, I permitted myself a movie and a couple of football games.  I watched 3:10 to Yuma while Jodi was at a friend's house playing games.  Great movie.  There were some great football games, too.  The difficulty for me is when I get home from a long day of work.  Since we got Tivo a year ago, I've taken to watching reruns of Seinfeld.  I enjoy the laughs, especially the sarcastic remarks and strange situations they get themselves into.  But ever notice all the sexual themes in that show?  Rampant sex with anyone who is willing it seems.  And I wonder when my thoughts tend that way.  No, I cannot let that continue.  It is not innocent fun to sit and watch TV all night.  It is the insidious infiltration of the values of a culture far removed from God.

The second point is opposite of the first.  New habits are Ihard to form.  As much as I like to read, sometimes it is the last thing I feel like doing after a 100 phone call day apologizing to every moron who happens to have an account with us.  Scripture, for all its power, takes more concentration than I am prepared to give by that time of night.  Especially after putting the kiddos to bed.  Persistence is not a virtue I have yet mastered.  Yet, I believe the calling of the Christian life requires relentless perseverance.

Well, that's it for now.  We're taking the kiddos to the museum today.  Maybe we'll have some good pictures to post!

This week has reminded me why I wanted to do the media fast in the first place and showed me how hard it will be.  I wanted to abstain from media (television, internet, music, radio) in order to silence the voice constantly demanding my attention.  They compete with God's voice and make it difficult to sit in silence. 

I'm starting to think that turning off the voices will be as difficult as giving up coffee might be.  When I have had the wild hair to give up the Good Bean the initial suffering of withdrawal lasts for a few days and it is not long before I crave the sweet nectar of my addiction.  Even if I get past the headache, the psychological effect of holding a warm, creamy cup of Joe is more than I can resist.  That's right, I'm weak and flabby but this is the best reason to persevere.

I am a dreamer.  I have many ideas and sometimes start them out with great gusto.  But I often fail to keep it going to the very end.  Certainly, I'm not unique in this.  The lack of perseverance and discipline in our culture accounts for the proliferation of weight loss programs and motivational speakers.  My malaise is why I am a "B" student rather than an "A" student.  I'm smart enough to be an "A" student (at least, I'd like to think so) but I am not enough of a perfectionist to spent my every waking moment in the library.  I want to relax sometimes...ok, everyday.  Thus the downfall of my dreams.

What scares me most about this is the realization that I am not a kid anymore.  Admittedly, I'm not old enough to start saying "in my day" but I've had enough experiences to know how clueless I was in my 20's.  Plus, Jodi and I have started to notice certain things happening physically.  Get your mind out of the gutter.  What I mean to say is, my teeth are rotting out of my head, and I have to get more regular sleep or I can hardly function. We're becoming more concerned with our health.  This was not the case when we were young.  All this to say, I'm old enough to know better but young enough not to care.

The relentless march of mortality scares me because it means that certain things are forever lost to me.  Some dreams will never come true.  You accept that after a while.  I have to wonder, though, what if I had been really diligent and persistent at practicing my music lessons?  What if I had been more focused on my grade point in high school instead of chasing all the fun I was after?  Life would certainly be different.  Perhaps I'd have gotten a scholarship or two and not ended up with so many loans to pay back!  (No worries now, the Feds are paying my interest until I graduate.)  Some dreams don't come true.

This brings me back to the point.  My dream in this media fast is to stop all the other voices and start listening to God's small, still voice.  I've always believed and now more than ever that God wants to be found by His people.  He wants to relate with people intimately.  Read Jeremiah sometime.  I've been reading about how God calls Israel out time again for adultery against Him.  Then, in small passages there are inserts of prayers of Jeremiah crying out to God, a holy and faithful prophet in the midst of the wickedness.  The juxtaposition is clear.  Israel has been extremely unfaithful but Jeremiah has been faithful.  Later, God will promise to bring them back to Himself forever.  He wants His people passionately.  This media fast is about clearing everything away so that God can become my passion.  If not now, when?

The struggle is that I use media as a way to distract myself from life.  What good has it done me?  None!  Instead it makes me spiritually and mentally weak.  If I am to accomplish anything then I need to live a radical life.  I'd consider becoming a monk but am unaware of any protestant varieties.

Well, with this in mind, I'm "relaunching" my media fast...starting Monday.  It's my mom's birthday, by the way.  In the meantime, I'll still try to practice but I'm not going to work very hard at it.  We'll call it "media fast warm up."  Pray for me...the spirit is willing but the flesh is extremely weak.

This picture is of the kids on Christmas Day.  Mom sent it to us.  Cute, eh?

We were in Iowa this weekend to attend a wedding.  It was a joyous occasion.  My little girl, Emily, was one of the flower girls.  At the reception she had one goal: a dance with her daddy.  When the DJ finally began to play the songs she rushed to me, eager anticipation on her face, hoping for a dance.  But this dance was for the bride and groom.  She sat down.  She watched the next song start for the bride and her father.  Again she rushed to me.  I told her there would be a few more songs and then we could dance.  I’d come get her, I said.

            As the minutes wore on she began to get bored.  The songs were not fun songs she knew.  So she began to wander and play a bit.  Then the DJ said what she had wanted to hear.  He called everyone to the floor for a dance.  She ran to her seat and quickly sat down, her back straight as an arrow.  It was a moment of great pride and pleasure for me to walk up to her chair, put my hand out, and ask if I could have this dance.  Her face beamed with joy as she accepted and we made our way out to the floor.  

Now, you must understand that I don’t dance.  I like to say I’m too white-meaning I have too little rhythm-for dancing.  But I went out there with that beaming little girl and danced my heart out.  As we came off the floor later, I saw admiration in the face of some folks at a nearby table.  Of course, I didn’t do it for them.  Really, I did it in spite of them.  It drove home for me that my willingness to put myself out on that dance floor looking completely ridiculous dancing with my little girl was the right thing to do.  In it was a vulnerability that was precious to my daughter.  It was precious to me and I have to think it was precious to the Father with whom I dance.

            I heard sobering news today.  A friend –a co-worker- passed from this life.  He had been in the hospital for a couple of weeks.  I knew when his wife (also a co-worker) told me that his kidneys were not functioning well that his health was failing.  I even prayed for him…earnestly.  None of it mattered.  The news still hits me hard.

            It’s funny how people can influence your life even in short a short period of time.  Mark wasn’t even on our team for more than a few months and yet his gregarious laughter rings in my ears.  How I wish to hear it again!  His vivid stories –he had one for everything- would entertain for hours.  Sometimes I wondered if they were true because they were so incredible.

            Influence…yes, that is how I would describe it.  Mark influenced me in a way I am unprepared to put into words just now.  His life was so infectious.  You felt happy to have the chance to sit and shoot the s*** with him as if there wasn’t anything else to do.

            When my thoughts return to the lesson here, I think about how it is that we have more influence that we know.  It causes me to renew my effort to influence my coworkers for Christ and to be a salty person there. 

The second lesson is one that always accompanies death.  That is, the sorrow we feel as we face death was never meant to be.  It is the result of sin, the aberration of nature.  It is despicable to God.  And yet, God became one of us, experienced this aberration and conquered it with power.  In the process He freed us from sin.  The Gospel –the Good News- is never more relevant than when we face death.

I promised my friend Ben that I would start to update this thing more regularly.  That was three – nearly four – weeks ago now.  Tonight though, I’m ready to write.  It’s nearly midnight but as I was lying in bed just now I had a thought that would not be suppressed.

The thought is one that has been common to me for the last several years.  In fact, my thought was that I was tired of having the thought.  The thought I am referring to is the one that I am on the cusp of something.  As I say, I have felt myself – and my family – to be on the verge of change for some time now.  What kind of change?  I’m glad you asked.  Pardon me for being vague but the answer is all kinds of change.

You see, my wife and I are right now in the middle of changes involving our entire lifestyle.  There are some really significant things that belong to family life.  For instance, we are making changes to the way we eat.  We are keeping track of the kinds of food we eat and our caloric and fat intake.  Some in our families may have dieted but if you observe their eating patterns you’ll notice some very unhealthy trends.  We are also going to the gym on a regular basis.  This is something I never thought I would do.  I was always too scared to approach it.  Now we go three times a week, at least.